{"id":32299,"date":"2022-12-23T19:38:29","date_gmt":"2022-12-23T20:38:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/?p=32299"},"modified":"2022-12-23T21:36:10","modified_gmt":"2022-12-23T21:36:10","slug":"satirical-semite-fluid-truth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/2022\/12\/23\/satirical-semite-fluid-truth\/","title":{"rendered":"Satirical Semite: Fluid Truth"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Facts have become non-binary, and reducing the choice to \u2018true\u2019 or \u2018false\u2019 is just old-fashioned. It\u2019s a good thing if you are confused as to which news stories are true, because absolute confusion is the new certainty. My friend Jonny 10-vax was suspended from Twitter for sharing misinformation about the COVID-came-from-a-lab theory, before it became clear that it did come from a lab, and the misinformation was just plain old information. Jonny pretended not to care, and drowned his frustration by learning dance routines on TikTok whilst wearing (Kan)Ye\u2019s \u201cYeezy\u201d sneakers, although he was soon dancing barefoot since his shoes had just been canceled.<\/p>\n

Jonny 10-vax lives in a difficult world. It\u2019s a complicated world, not least because he doesn\u2019t really exist. But as someone once said \u201cjust because something didn\u2019t happen, doesn\u2019t mean it isn\u2019t true\u201d. He is in good company, along with Hunter Biden\u2019s incriminating laptop, which is also complete fiction, at least according to CBS, MSNBC and CNN\u2019s reporting during 2019.<\/p>\n

Last Thursday, Jonny and his fianc\u00e9e @chelsearodham had just stepped out of his Tesla on a visit to the Kennedy Space Center en route to see a SpaceX rocket launch up close. He received a text saying that his Twitter account had been reinstated. \u201cPraise the Lord!\u201d he cried, although instead of picturing the one true God, he found himself thinking of a boyish-faced South African billionaire. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cChelsea! Let\u2019s go to a bar to celebrate,\u201d and before she could respond, he said \u201cHey Siri, book me a rideshare!\u201d Since his browser was already open on the SpaceX website\u2019s \u201cRideshare\u201d page (https:\/\/www.spacex.com\/rideshare\/), Siri booked him a rideshare place on the Falcon 9 spacecraft that costs \u201cas low as $275,000.\u201d It was a bit more expensive than an Uber, but he figured that paying for a round-trip rocket journey to the International Space Station would be great for his air miles points. <\/span><\/p>\n

He decided to cancel it, but at that moment Chelsea took his hand and pulled him towards the shuttle pickup point. Jonny was lost in thought as to what his first tweet was going to be, and now faced \u201cTrump\u2019s Paradox\u201d; you have been kicked off Twitter, invested in Trump\u2019s Truth Social app, and realize that if you start posting on Twitter then your stock in Truth Social could plummet. He briefly considered opening an account on Mastodon, the \u2018safe\u2019 social app favored by many Democrats. In the end, he dropped any moral misgivings and opened the Twitter app. The first returning tweet contained just two words; \u201cJonny\u2019s back,\u201d accompanied by a selfie from last July 4th wearing his MAGBA hat (\u201cMake America Great (Britain) Again\u201d). <\/span><\/p>\n

As winter brings increased chances of flu infections, Jonny has reversed his personal vaccination policy.  <\/span>He once rushed to get one dose of every available vaccine and booster shots, but more recently got lost in the world of vaccine conspiracy theories, like the Bill Gates microchip theory, the theory that vaccines modify our DNA or RNA using \u201ctranshumanism nanotechnology,\u201d the one that young athletes are dropping dead from vaccine-induced myocarditis, and the \u201cinfertility\u201d theory. Jonny admitted to being confused, and said to Chelsea that \u201ctruth is more fluid than most gender-studies college professors,\u201d at which point she slapped him.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut seriously, darling, it is<\/i> unclear. Truths are being overturned every day, and the multi-year claims that \u2018Trump colluded with Russia\u2019 turned out to be a Congress-led conspiracy theory once the impeachment failed. We are trapped in a metaphysical pinball machine being bounced between truth and falsehoods.\u201d<\/p>\n

Their bus arrived at the LC-39 observation platform to watch the liftoff, and Jonny got ready to take a selfie with his fiancee. His phone buzzed \u201cyour rideshare has arrived. The SpaceX Falcon 9 is now at the launchpad. Estimated rideshare fee: $430,000 (could change in the event of a meteor storm)\u201d. He ignored the notification and took the photo with the spaceship in the background. \u201cAt least we know that Musk\u2019s rocket is real,\u201d he said. \u201cUnlike the moon landing\u201d.<\/p>\n

\n

Marcus J Freed<\/b> is an actor, writer and Jewish educator. www.marcusjfreed.com and on social @marcusjfreed<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Facts have become non-binary, and reducing the choice to \u2018true\u2019 or \u2018false\u2019 is just old-fashioned.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":32301,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32299"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32299"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32299\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":32302,"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32299\/revisions\/32302"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/32301"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peymantaeidi.net\/stem-cell\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}